just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
