Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
