Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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