I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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