everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
