i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize