I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
