I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
