is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
