just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You are a genius and a whore.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
