how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
