Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
