I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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