I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
