when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
These tits shall not be calmed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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