I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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