Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
