well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize