She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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