Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
