TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
