He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
