So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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