I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Your cock deserves a montage
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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