Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
