Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
