If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
