It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
