I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
