Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
