also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
