Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
