this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
