You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This is my gift to your gina
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i out mim tonsoeep
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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