Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
