it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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