I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
