I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
