I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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