he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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