i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
