He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
