and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
