Need sex. Gaining weight.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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