Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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