Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
