I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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