Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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