Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
