it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
