all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
