I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
