I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
