Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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