I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
