problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
