I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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