Got a toothbrush?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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