my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
