You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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