I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
