omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My pussy is not your playground.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
