...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
