I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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