im about as happy as oj after his trial
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
