My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
