yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
