hotel room ftw
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Houston, we have a squirter
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
