Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
