I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
